Tequila Texting

No Friday afternoon is complete without at least 2 shots of tequila. Remember Puff, The Magic Dragon? I still think that song should be Quaff, The Magic Flagon.

Tequila is the ideal segue way not only to the weekend, but to better looking men, instant self-confidence and of course sex. If you plan on having a one-night stand, factor in some time for you, a slice of lemon, a dash of salt and some magic orgasm juice - preferably 10 minutes before flagging a cab with your adoring 8-hour boyfriend. (It's an unlucky girl who gets an asshole for her 8-hour boyfriend, and not even tequila can fix those guys up. Best to reject them as firmly and brutally as possible).

The other important thing you need to keep in mind when dabbling in tequila-juice is to not do it when you're feeling:

1. Nauseous; and/or
2. Emotionally unstable.

It will always lead to an embarrassing outcome, and worse, you may blame the tequila and swear to never drink tequila again. Don't be ridiculous! The vomiting and crying hysteria was all you. I once combined emotionally instability with a one-night stand with an ex - I think I came out a winner as the sex seemed so great (love tequila!) however I did cry hysterically before the fantastic sex (hate something other than the tequila!). Tequila still made it to the next round - unlike the ex. My next session with a shot glass and a dodgy barman made me realise how unworthy my ex was, and how reliable tequila is.

The danger inherent with tequila shots is the tequila text. Often incoherent, likely to be riddled with spelling errors, and always sent to the wrong person. You can rely on tequila to loosen your text-finger sufficiently to text old boyfriends (generally never really boyfriends in the first place) to tell them you have "unfinished business" and to tell anyone within shouting distance that one day you will be huge and they should stand in line to be your friend right now. Throw in a little bit of "I'm a really nice person", some spitting and we have ourselves a Kodak moment.