Infatuation

"I've never been more infatuated with a woman in my life."

As a 28 year old single woman who has just survived a sex drought of 8 months, this should have been music to my ears. The tune should have been all the more melodic given it came out of the mouth of a big strapping lad with an incredible washboard stomach, an enormous penis and an ability to put sentences together that consisted of words that were poly-syllabic. He was also very nice. I could already feel the accusatory eyes of my mother - who wanted her grandchildren 3 weeks ago - burning into the back of my head. While she isn't so desperate for grandchildren that I procreate with a (short) deadshit like my ex-boyfriend, I could tell this guy ticked all her boxes for me. He had "fertility" and "good genetic match" written all over him.

I decided a subject change was in order, since I knew that anything that came out of my mouth in response would be weak and easily interpreted any way this guy wanted (i.e. "I'm in love with you but I'm too scared to say it"). Seeking to keep everyone happy, I grabbed his penis.